I didn't see it coming. I had no idea that we would be driving Ryan to a different happening almost every single night of the week. Sure we had hoped that Ryan would experience the life of a "typical" teenager, but --- this is hard to say, hard to confess --- as parents we were prepared for some serious compromises. In our hearts we wanted the best and the most for Ryan, but in our head we saw Ryan, as an adolescent, miss out on a lot of stuff.
Two areas of concern. Both connected, but yet different; developmental growth and discretion. Sometimes (as an adolescent) his capabilities weren't developed enough to keep up with his peers; he didn't go to any sleepovers, he missed most all of the church off-campus events, and he had no regular after-school pals. We often wondered if he would ever manage to "hang" with his peers. Secondly, the phrase, "Ryan exercised poor discretion today at school" became his daily report folder mantra for a variety of offenses. Okay, okay; most were rather entertaining. This one comes to mind: During lunch a table-mate flicks a pea across the room ---and since Ryan has seen it on Disney--- he joins in with both hands and yells, "food fight!". Arrgh!! We taught him the word "inappropriate" when he was most young, and we coached/debriefed/warned/talked/talked/and talked about how to make good choices. A 24/7 kind of life. Cheryl and I have been on task for 19 out of 19 ryanyears. Prayer has gotten us through them all. Some days we were scared. Not scared about what Ryan would do/wouldn't do; scared that he would always need someone to watch him. Always.
Time for some candid talk. As parents, we can easily remember the GrowingUpYears with our older children; pure joy highlighted by a fistful of awkward, frustrating, and difficult moments. Tough sometimes, but in essence --- that is what we signed up for. At some level we knew what to expect. We weren't the first set of parents to have a stubborn 4th grader, or a quiet 5th grader, or a moody 7th grader, or a mouthy 9th grader --- and we wouldn't be the last. Let me say it again; we knew what to expect. The timeline was tried and true; driver's license at 16, graduate from high school, and head off to college. Sure, chapters and chapters of the roller coaster called "life" in between the commas, but that was the typical expectation. But, with Ryan it was----different. Somehow, wrong or right; we expected (tears on the keyboard moment- give me a second) less.
But, by God's mighty hand, not the case, not now. This week: Ryan is working two nights at the Olive Garden (a great host, BTW.) He always goes to the student ministry thingy; we drop him off at the sidewalk and two hours later pick him up again. He has high school wrestling practice one afternoon, and another evening for a wrestling match; he is one of the managers. Oh, and two of his friends who are home on college break have called to pick a night to "go out". Good luck with that. We will have to check his calendar.
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