Open Letter

This post has a lofty goal; well actually two.  First, this will be a joint effort from both Cheryl and I.  It is my intention to finish this writing sesson without bruises; she may crown me for my inability to work well with others.

Ryan graduates from high school next week; a milestone for any child, but for our family --- this is big.  There was a time that we thought that this event … No, wait.  Who are we kidding?  In the early days we couldn’t even dream of this event.   As parents we all look at our little newborn and we can “see” ahead to their first day of school, or holding the T-ball bat, or headed for a sleepover with friends, or going on their first date, or scoring a touchdown at Homecoming, or even standing proud in their cap and gown.  Nope.  We “saw” none of those things.  We saw only a fog.  A future of blurrr.  A world of WonderWhat’s and WhatIf’s.   We couldn’t see past our days of portable heart monitors, cardiology, audiology, pediatricians, and early intervention. And so we prayed. We prayed to the Heavenly Father for strength, guidance, and wisdom.  And he delivered. He sent his hands, his feet, and his heart to us in the form of family, friends, and helpers.

And so we write this “letter” as a tribute to the people who have helped Ryan along the way. Our second goal is to not leave anyone out.  If you are one of the people that has blessed Ryan AND we leave you out; well… I have decided that it is probably Cheryl’s fault.  Here goes;

To Betty and the folks at the Early Intervention Program,

We met you before Ryan was born. You held our hands through Ryan’s first three years; from the tongue/mouth exercises at the age of four weeks to the group sessions at three years old.  Wow!  You even had model students. (a typical student in the classroom --- our first glimpse at the value of peers)  You changed so many of Ryan’s  “cant’s” into “can’s”, and you more than anyone else moved us from scared and overwhelmed to determined and committed.  Ryan is who he is now because of you.  Thank you. 

  

To our family,

Oh my.  You have been such a blessing.  Whether Ryan is your grandson, your nephew, or your cousin; you have made him feel loved and welcome.  You did that from the beginning.  You did it without hesitation.  We have never taken that fact for granted.   What is so amazing is that you have seen us at our best and our worst (the built-in nature of families) and NOTHING CHANGED!  Your love for us and your gracious sense of welcome has never wavered.  You acted as baby sitter when no one else would.  You included Ryan in everything; every outing, every vacation, every Super Cousin Day, every holiday.  You were the first to nurture Ryan’s deep desire for relationship; we credit that to you. Ryan is who he is now because of you.  Thanks, thanks, thanks.

To Ryan’s big brother and sister,

Every time I start to type this one, I cloud up and can’t see the keebord. I will come back to this one later.

To Ryan’s 5^th grade school psychologist,

You guided us through the testing gauntlet as we moved into a new school system.  You were the one that said, “Ryan will have problems functioning as an adult”.  Thanks for pissing us off.  Because of you we sought wiser council and moved (again) to get Ryan in a different school. We would invite you to his commencement if we had cared to remember your name.  Ryan is who he is now in spite of you.  Thanks.

To Ryan’s “buddies” at church,

You know who you are.  We sure do.  You have been a constant in our lives for so long.  We won’t ever forget the day when Laurie walked up to Ryan in the foyer and said, “I’d like to meet you, young man”.  And the buddies became so.  Ryan’s Sunday is not complete if he doesn’t see his buddies during worship, grab a ride with one of you, and go to lunch together.  You make Ryan’s birthdays special, you celebrate each of his milestones, and you encourage him like few others. When we first moved to town and connections were few, you stepped forward and became our family. Your wise council and hand of friendship has made all the difference.  Ryan is who he is now because of you.  Thank you so much.

To our church community group,

You get us. You have dreamed, and cried, and prayed with us at all the right times.  You poured yourself into Cheryl and I when we needed filling. You are the body of Christ. You made Ryan feel like an adult even when it wasn’t so. You made him your friend. Ryan is who he is now because of you.  We love you for it.

To the student ministry leaders and students,

We have no idea what you had to do behind the scenes to include Ryan, but it worked!  Wheels, you have got to know that when you said (so many times!), “we got him”, we believed you.  That is who you are.  Lance, my favorite “fisher of men”, what seemed so commonplace for you was monumental for us--- when you said, “me and the guys have talked about it, we want Ryan in our group”.  You and that group brought Ryan to Christ.  You know that don’t you?  We do. Mark & Crew, your team hosted Ryan’s first weekend retreat; like it was nothing.  It wasn’t.  And to Ryan’s student friends; your friendship is real. That matters.  Ryan is who he is now because of you. Thank you.

To our disc golf friends,

Oh, how Ryan loves disc golf. Not because his daddy does, but because of you.  From the early years in the Ham and the Big D to the WC crew today; you have never, ever, ever made Ryan feel unwelcome.  Quite the contrary; you have gone out of your way to engage and involve him in all we do. You have helped him navigate the courses, you have waited patiently for him to catch up, you have waited patiently for him to catch up, you have waited patiently for him to catch up (sorry, I may have mentioned that already), and you have taught him to play like a gentleman.  And foremost; you have always treated him with respect.  You have given him a love for a sport that will last a lifetime.  Ryan is who he is now because of you. And don’t you ever forget it. 

To Ryan’s teachers and principals,

You saw our vision of inclusion and made it happen. When we said, “We want Ryan to have a typical middle school/high school experience”, you somehow understood.  You became an army of advocates for Ryan.  And what an army it was; principals who truly listened and deeply cared, teachers who concentrated on Ryan’s strengths and sought unique ways to teach him, teacher’s assistants who lovingly guided Ryan past his daily bumps, and file holders who worked magic.   Now don’t feel bad if you don’t know what a “file holder” is; they had to explain it to us, too.  The file holder is that Special Education Resource teacher/maestro that orchestrates the elusive notion called inclusion.  Ryan’s file holders (each and every one of them) were a force to be reckoned with.  They turned roadblocks into rubble; all for Ryan. When he wanted to be on the track team you scheduled TA’s to get him to the practice field, when he needed to improve his reading you found him a home on the media team with “Pittman on Sports”, when he ran out of easily modified sciences you made history my adding an IEP student to the Honors Anatomy class.  We are indebted to every one of you.  Ryan is who he is now because of you. You rock! 

To Ryan’s friends at school,

You may not realize what your friendship means to Ryan.  You chose to look beyond the things that make him different and embrace him for who he is. And in doing so; you have shown maturity and character beyond belief.  Your example has taken Ryan to a higher place; he has learned how to be a friend because of you. As parents we are all too familiar with kids not unlike Ryan who are tolerated during the school day and left totally out of the extra-c stuff.  But, not so with Ryan; because of you he is a dedicated member of the track team, a committed JROTC cadet, an appreciated wrestling team manager, a media news team regular, and of course the shortest prom king ever. Whether Ryan is sweet talking the ladies in the hall, eating lunch with his friends, or hanging with the gang at the ballgames; he knows that he BELONGS. Ryan is who he is now because of you.  We will be forever grateful for the love and compassion you have shown to our son.

  

To Ryan’s big brother and sister,

You missed out on so much. When Ryan hit the scene, your life changed as much as ours.  As parents our attention see-sawed hard and fast in Ryan’s direction.  Such was life, especially in the early years. And you gave us a pass.  Not that we asked, not really. In those early years we didn’t know how to ask.  But, somehow it was as if you had answered, “it’s ok Mom and Dad, it’s ok”.   That was when you first became our Heroes.  Brent, you are such a caring big brother. You took Ryan with you every chance you got.  You know he worships you, don’t you?  Never in the history of brothers has anyone tried harder to be like their big brother. Meagan, you grew up so fast.  You had to. You stepped in when we were tired and overwhelmed. You have always brought out the best in Ryan.  To this day; just the mention of your name helps him stand a little taller and to make better decisions.  The RyanGrin is never brighter than when he is thinking of you; he so cherishes your love.  And by God’s grace each of you married an angel.  Just ask Ryan about his brothers and sisters --- the number has changed since you two became a part of our family; “I have two brothers and two sisters”, he says.  God knew that we needed each of you for Ryan to become the Ryan he was supposed to be.  Ryan is who is now because of you.  We love you so, so much.

With love,

Ron and Cheryl

Guest Speaker

Nine years ago an area Christian school began a wonderful event; each spring they would invite the special needs high schoolers from the county for a fun-filled field day.  They called it CIA Day. (Christians in Action)  This year Ryan and I were invited to be special guests for the day and to be guest speakers.  We said, “Yes” immediately.  I’m through typing. Watch the video.


Part I
http://vimeo.com/24073047

Part II
http://vimeo.com/23779870

The Roller Coaster

We are approaching the 11^th hour.  Ryan graduates this month and we have yet to nail down an appropriate job for Ryan.  If you missed the January 20^th posts – I will explain;  Ryan is going to work full time for a year, live at home in his “apartment”, and apply for the Vanderbilt Next Step College Experience program for the fall of 2012.  We hope to have a job in place this July when we return from our mission trip to Peru.  But, we don’t have it yet.  But, not for a lack of trying…

Up

In January I scheduled a visit to the local food bank. (4^th largest in the nation BTW.) I was on a sales call. I was selling the idea that they partner with Americorps, apply for funding for two or three full time interns, and consider Ryan as one of those interns. Closed that sell, baby.  They loved the idea.  Americorps was on their to-do list anyway and they had a solid track record of inclusion in their volunteer force.  It looked like a done deal.

Down

I offered to call the state liaison for Americorps on behalf of the food bank.  Maybe there was something I could do to streamline their application.  Not a good phone call.  First, I discovered that we had missed the deadline date by a week.  The food bank would not be able to create a partnership until 2012. My disdain for bureaucracy did battle with the need to find a Plan B; thankfully the latter won.  Through my teeth I asked, “Are there any current non-profits with Americorps interns who might be interested in adding an inclusive component?” (That’s bureau-speak for making a place for a special needs intern.)  He reminded me of an option we had looked at last year, it was a poor choice last year – and still is.   “More?”, I asked.  But, sadly no.  He closed the conversation with the mention of a nationally funded program or two.  I made some notes and hung up.

Up

The www is cool.  I went to the Americorps website, launched a search for Tennessee-based nationally funded programs and found the non-profit my liaison friend had mentioned.  Another sales call. The director was easy to talk to and genuinely interested in “adding an inclusive component”.  I told him about Ryan; his school, his work at Olive Garden, and his many activities and Director Will was on board.  He said that applications for summer of 2011 are submitted in April. I told him to be watching for Ryan’s application.  He shot back with, “I will email you so you won’t forget it”.  Score!

Down

The Republican budget proposal wiped Americorps off the map.  I don’t know if you are red or if you are blue, but posturing and politics often make bad policy. Beltway games.

Up

We applied and set up an interview anyway. Americorps survived with a 6% cut.  It still seemed do-able.  Ryan was nervous, oh so nervous in the interview, but it didn’t seem to throw the director.  He was still on board.  Sure, he would need to run it by his CEO, but we left more than hopeful.

Down

We got the phone call last week. Ryan didn’t get the job.  Remember the budget cuts?  This particular non-profit was hugely affected.  Instead of hiring their normal ten interns they would have to settle for only seven for 2011. There just wasn’t room for Ryan.  

And down

We asked a couple of local businesses if we could sit down with their HR department and talk about hiring Ryan. “We aren’t set up to hire special needs employees,” was the response.  I confess; I have yet to figure out how to handle that type of answer.  As parents of a special needs child our radar goes off at the slightest thing.  I hear a “ping” inside my head, I identify the offending barrier, and launch my attack.  And so I shot back.  You don’t want to know the details. I suspect that I burned at least one bridge.  I should have said with a laugh, “aww, you know… not many folks are (set up to hire special needs employees),  what I was hoping to do was talk to someone about how other companies have done so with great success.” Yep, that’s what I should have said.

So, once again we are looking for a local company that would be interested in hiring Ryan full time.  Cheryl said that we may not be looking for a where, but a who; someone who thinks this is an idea worth exploring.  We aren’t looking for his Forever Job, just something entry-level for the next year. Don’t be bashful.  If you have an idea, let us know.